For those of you who happen to be my friends (or have seen the news in central New Jersey during the month of January), you know what has happened and what I have been going through over the past month. For those of you who don’t, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the almost Relient K-esque realization I have been going through over the course of the past several weeks (that’s a “Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been” reference, for the musically deprived).
For a variety of reasons, I have had a ton of time for self inventory and reflection lately. At first, I was alone in a room waiting for that girl Max Bemis sang about coming to visit. No offense to his wife, but I decided to picture her as Hayley Williams. It just worked better for me. She never showed, though, so that was a bummer.
However, after a period of continued self pity, a weird thing happened: someone showed up. She wasn’t Hayley Williams, but it didn’t matter. I don’t know what kind of gypsy trick she pulled on me, but I started to talk about things. I told her what I was going through. Pretty soon after that, I told a few other people. Then another really strange thing started happening: I started to feel better. Those gypsies aren’t all evil, after all.
This isn’t a road to recovery story, though. It is more of an awakening. And not one of those religious ones, either. I may ramble because I am pretty much typing nonstop, but I am trying to articulate the transition I have gone through and the subsequent realization.
Because of the person I have been over the past year or so, I have been missing things. Slowly, I am beginning to recognize more and more as my brain gets out of hock. I first started to realize this as I was having a harmless conversation with a new friend about Leo DeCaprio and the only bad movie he ever made, and how it almost sunk his career (raise your hand if you get the joke). Anyway, here is a quick list of things I either missed or have now come to realize:
1.) How long has Panic! At The Disco been bad?
Maybe it is because I will forever compare them to their first album, A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, which doesn’t feature a bad song, but I am just now noticing that they suck. “Nine in the Afternoon” was the beginning of the end. When that song was released, I should have seen that the end was nigh. This new song, “The Ballad of Mona Lisa” is the final straw, though. It’s unoriginal. It’s tacky. It’s lame. It’s awful. Firstly, Mona Lisa is a tired subject. She has been the subject of countless poems, songs, stories, etc. Everything about her has been said, and most of it is uninteresting. Secondly, I never understood the obsession with Mona Lisa. Bottom line: she’s an ugly bitch. Just doesn’t make any sense.
2.) I have been missing some great bands
While I have not had the prototypical religious awakening, I have been constantly discovering music that I love. And while I appreciate all the help that Big J has given me over the past month, music will always bee my first religion. The Limousines, Young The Giant, New Politics, Why?, Mumford & Sons, Cold War Kids, and the list goes on. These are all artists that I have not fully appreciated over the past year because I have been so messed up. I may have lost Panic!, but these bands are, to borrow an SLC Punk line, fuckin’ terrif!
3.) Selling Out & Buying In are still prevalent
I am happy to see that, even while I have been stumbling, the world has not ceased to turn. People will still be people. Bands and artists will still sell their souls. Now, I am not completely anti “selling out.” The term is overused and almost always used incorrectly or unjustifiably. If you are a struggling artist or band and get offered money while getting to keep most of your integrity, just take the fucking money. That is what you are here for, anyway. There is no shame in that.
What I do have a problem with, though, is a band that is already established and successful destroying their image for just a little bit more money. My Chemical Romance recently sold the rights to one of their songs to that soulless American Idol program. What could be more polar opposite to the original My Chemical Romance music and messages than selling a song to American Idol? Their image is irrevocably damaged, and they have themselves to blame. They didn’t need the money. Their last two albums were insanely successful. Fuck them.
4.) People are still giving Nick Cage money
I don’t know who Nick Cage fucked or sucked or caught slaughtering puppies, but there has to be some reason that people keep giving him money to do movies. The man cannot act, and he has never been able to act. Think about how good The Rock could have been if they had ANYONE ELSE play his role? Same goes for Con Air. Every time I see a preview of a new movie he is in I just start hoping that someone kidnaps him, Tyler Perry, Carlos Mencia, and the entire Jersey Shore cast and removes them from the country and bans them for life. There has to be something we can charge them with. Pop Culture Terrorism? Conduct detrimental to the country? We can come up with something. They all need to go, though.
